zaterdag 14 november 2015

No means No

With a smile and a handkiss I said goodnight on Skype,
but afterwards i felt the kiss was meant for myself.
Because i said no.
No i won't show my boobs.
No I will not undress for you.
No i am not touching myself to feel if i am wet.
No am not a slut.
No I am not boring.
Yes i am a sub, but not just anyone's.
No means No.
No is RED

woensdag 11 november 2015


 I had the misconception that subspace was
something that happened when you got:
used hard
fucked senseless
Dominated for hours on end until you thought there was no end to it
and more...
it seems all I need is
some rope
in the hands
of a man
who knows how
to handle it

I rest my case

zondag 8 november 2015

The rope

'Would you like to try?' he asked. I took a deep breath and nodded, the scent and feel of the small bundle of jute intruiging me.
A myriad of thoughts ran through my mind, about showing my less then perfect body, the chronical tension that always causes me to fidget, the lack of patience, coming straight from work and probably wearing smelly socks and and and...
I undressed only the top half of my body and stood there while he prepared his ropes, and got started..
Oh boy..
The feel of the jute on my skin, the sound when it was pulled over and under itself, the earthly clean smell of the rope, even the light thud when the ends dropped on the floor, the way i was gently pushed and pulled and bound tight..
It felt like a ceremony, a tea-ceremony maybe, only without the tea..
Every move and motion made me slip deeper into peace and quiet..
His gentle care guided me and helped me lose my distracting thoughts and inhibitions and i could simply enjoy the balance of giving up my body and receiving liberation.
With my arms on my back he helped me lay down on my belly, tied my legs, connected them to my ams and then also tied my hair causing my head to be pulled back towards my back and feet..
Now i had seen this postion before, on pictures and paintings and always wondered how the women could stand being so uncomfortable, but instead i relaxed.. i could let go, at last.. I probed around a bit inside myself, and found that, in being immobilised, i was released from 'having to' and i let go a bit more.. and more.. and more.. I flew.
And i still do, knowing this is out there waiting for me...

The first time

There is a first time for everything.
Walking, whistling, making love..
Or kneeling, being blindfolded, offering your wrists to be cuffed..

Yesterday I had my first scene, and I am still coming back to earth a bit I think.
A coffee date with a Dom on sunday morning and maybe even the feel of a flogger.. my thoughts had not gone beyond that. But from the moment we met I felt safe and at ease, and I knew that whatever happened, it would be fine.
And oh boy it was!

The rings on my wall were finally used, as quite a few of the toys in my suitcase, my homemade floggers, and several of His too.
For the first time I felt that balance for real, where He was dishing out and have me take it, and at the same time I had the control in that it was I who set the boundaries..
I have been flogged, hugged, spanked, kissed, slapped, cuddled.. I crawled on my knees, was put in the corner.. and many more things I will keep for myself and remember with a smile..
I have cried a lot, not from pain but from intense emotions.

Some moments keep coming back to me, like where I was standing in  a corner, in the dark, bare feet on stone floor and hands in my neck.. and I felt this immense peace. I had asked for a break and He told me to go and stand there, and after some minutes I realized that it was just what I needed.. not a coffee and a cigaret, but just.. being there, because He told me so.. I submitted to Him, but He gave me what I needed.. again the balance.

Do you remember the first time you made love? And the next day you think everyone can tell by looking at you? That’s how I feel today!
I am so grateful to this Man, the care He showed in ensuring my first time was as good as it could be.

I have marks and muscle ache, my body hurts but my spirit soars...
Humbled and Proud and Happy