dinsdag 17 december 2013

Punishment

As a child I thought punishment was one fo the worst things that could happen to me... adoring my father (still do) I did all I could to prevent him from being disappointed in me.

I am still like that, I will always be good and gentle and helpfull, but I will slip up from time to time too...
There has been a shift inside of me though:
Where before i felt punishment was a mere accentuation of my fault or failure, I can now see it as doing penance and it helps me to move on without feeling guilt fester inside me...

The other day, I forgot about a rule.. nothing severe but still, the Master told me to sit facing the wall until he told me it was enough...
Oh dear, I was being punished!
How did it feel, He asked? I found that instead of the distance and the shame I always felt upon being corrected, it made me feel closer to Him.. It confirmed our bond.
We talked about it and he mentioned something he would really dislike, telling me:
If you would do that, I wouldn't even bother punishing you.

Tears in my eyes, shock at the thought alone!
It would mean he wouldn't care anymore, that he couldn't be bothered...

Oh yes, I will be good, I will be whatever he needs me to be, 
and try to ensure that he doesn't HAVE to, but still WANTS to punish me...

vrijdag 13 december 2013

A word from a Friend...

Dear Masters and Girls and A/all of you,

I have spent the last few days with RL friends, who are very important to me...
Bright people, with a great heart, and always working to help people grow and develop, when needed.

They have known me for a long time, with long pauses in between sometimes, but we are like family.
The moment i stepped through the door Monday morning, they noticed a difference in me. I walk , talk, radiate confidence, is what they said...

I told them what i do and found here, what i have found within myself, about submission, about D/s...
And somewhere in the middle of our conversation, Bart got up, took me in a BIG bear hug, and said Welcome home, at last!

He asked me to Thank Y/you all and I promised I would, so here it is:
From the bottom of his heart: THANK YOU!!!

with love, from them and me,

Lilian