dinsdag 17 december 2013

Punishment

As a child I thought punishment was one fo the worst things that could happen to me... adoring my father (still do) I did all I could to prevent him from being disappointed in me.

I am still like that, I will always be good and gentle and helpfull, but I will slip up from time to time too...
There has been a shift inside of me though:
Where before i felt punishment was a mere accentuation of my fault or failure, I can now see it as doing penance and it helps me to move on without feeling guilt fester inside me...

The other day, I forgot about a rule.. nothing severe but still, the Master told me to sit facing the wall until he told me it was enough...
Oh dear, I was being punished!
How did it feel, He asked? I found that instead of the distance and the shame I always felt upon being corrected, it made me feel closer to Him.. It confirmed our bond.
We talked about it and he mentioned something he would really dislike, telling me:
If you would do that, I wouldn't even bother punishing you.

Tears in my eyes, shock at the thought alone!
It would mean he wouldn't care anymore, that he couldn't be bothered...

Oh yes, I will be good, I will be whatever he needs me to be, 
and try to ensure that he doesn't HAVE to, but still WANTS to punish me...

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